Best wedding jokes for the best man’s toast

wedding jokesThe wedding toast is an art form. Most best men at weddings aren’t experienced at the art form, which is why we blog on the subject so often. Wedding jokes make a nice ice breaker if you are ever assigned the honor of raising a glass in a wedding toast.

The best jokes are clean-cut. You don’t have to be off-color to get a laugh and unite wedding guests in celebration. In fact, grossness or mean-spirited humor can really backfire.

So be funny, not profane.

Your fearless blogger mined the wedding humor floating around the internet to present you with some very funny ways to begin your wedding toast. Here are some pretty good ones from a website called Ranker:

A little girl at a wedding asked, “Mommy, why do brides always wear white?” The mom replied, “Because they’re happy, dear.” Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, “Mommy, if brides wear white because they’re happy, then why do men wear black?”


“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”


A woman was telling her friend, “It was I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend. The woman replied, “A multi-millionaire.”


If your wife laughs at your joke, it means you either have a good joke, or a good wife.

I found a few good wedding jokes at i News:

“I’ve been asked by many how I’m going to cope with my best friend being married and spending all of his time loved up at home. I’m thrilled! I’ll finally be able to talk to women without him cramping my style.”


“Just a couple of rules before we begin. If you have a mobile phone – leave it switched on, entertain yourselves. And if anyone texts you any good jokes, send them my way.”


“[Groom’s name] asked me to be his best man a year ago — although I never actually received a formal invitation to the wedding.  Let’s hope I haven’t eaten someone else’s meal by mistake — but more likely, he was saving himself the cost of a stamp.”


“A best man is similar to a dead body at a funeral.  You’re expected to be there, but if you say too  much, people start freaking out.”

Here are some funny wedding jokes from Readers Digest

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls.

“Your wife must like rolls,” he said.

“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.

“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”


And here’s one more nugget from Readers Digest:

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?”

“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”

The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

If you’re charged with the honor of making a toast at an upcoming wedding, you can’t go wrong with a little good-natured humor.  We hope one of these jokes fits the bill.

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